The Dark Ages.

This month of August has brought me nothing but bad fortune, depression, drama and unexpected circumstances.

This last week of August has literally been HELL WEEK for me and I just want to vomit because I am so sick of all this shit.

My vocals may have been crushed and my drive completely ripped out of my system, to the point where everybody can now just step on me like trash, but my writings will NEVER die nor will they ever tire from speaking what's really inside of me.

And if you feel you've been hit... well, bitch, you are... being hit.

And I am tired of compromising myself for the sake of others.
You all can just take your baggage off my porch.
I hope you crash and burn with it.
I hope your silly little insecurities get the best of you, because honestly, I am tired of trying to make you and everyone else feel better.

Oh and please.
IF I'm a bitch... honestly dear, what are you?!
Let me buy you a mirror so you can look at it and reflect.

I AM RAGING WITHIN.
Just a little more and I swear, I know I will snap.


Thank God for fashion events like this:

and this...

and good company...

It's the first time we've ever actually shopped and gone out to the mall together, so this was a really awesome experience.

Riley, my bestfriend from GreenGiant, tagged along a little later on at the bazaar.
Oh, I really did help her and Jess get something good. teehee.
It's the first time I've shopped with Riley too so that was just really wicked as well.


The bazaar was hella awesome! Lots of great finds, awesome designers and I just really loved it!
Cant wait till the next one.
Hopefully my shopping buddies will still be up for it? :)

Joanna Ladrido from Glitterati actually knows who I am and I haven't met her yet.
She looks so different from the pictures.

Funny convo:
I was looking through the tops and I really wanted one already.
I was asking Jess and Riley if I should get the lace top or the huge belt, they're like the lace na.
Joanna stands up from her cute little chair and says, "Get it na."
Rika: "Okay!"
Joanna: "I'll give to you for like... hmmm.. 800 nlang."
Rika: *opens her purse and takes out the money* "Okay!"
The moment was kinda funny so we laughed and she said something along the lines of "kung ganun lang kadali to get a customer eh..."
LOL.

Honestly, I don't regret it.
I LOVE the feel of their lace material, it's absolutely gorgeous and really, really SOFT.
That's the only thing I keep buying from Glitterati, I just realize now. lol.

This was actually the day I've been waiting all week for.
I've been saving all my money for it and I was super ready to go.

Thank God for Friday; it helped a lot as the night before was spent drowning and choking in own tears and absolute misery so this was seriously even more awesome than I actually expected it to be.
Ironic, how you feel like you can be miserable all your life, but the next day turns out to be really great and you can't stop being giddy and happy like those terrible things didn't really happen.

ANYWAY, me and Jess took a break from the bazaar, checked the Fashion Registry event hosted by Preview that night @ the R2 Level of Rockwell.
OMG. The entire entourage of Preview Magazine was THERE.

AGAIN. MY OUTFIT WAS A MAJOR FLOP ONCE AGAIN.
Strike 2, I swear.
I wonder what will happen in the NEXT fashion event I end up going to.
And I didn't know it till the program started.

Apparently the whole thing was, of course, a promotion of their September 2009 issue and how the fall trends have finally reached the shores of the Philippines.
FALL TREND OF 2009? BLACK. Lots and LOTS of black.

And every one at the damn event, including JESS was in black!
I was in a friggin floral petal dress (albeit it was an exquisite H&M floral dress -- STILL! It was last season and I just fucking wanted to die yet once again LOL).
This is what I get for NOT following the trends and letting things go my way. LOLOL.

Pauline Suanco-Juan, Editor-in-Chief of Preview magazine

Preview Major Staff

Liz Uy, Fashion Editor of Preview magazine

Let me just narrate the BEST 5 MINUTES of my life during this ENTIRE HELL WEEK.
[HOHMAIGOD]

Okay so Jess and I were by a table at the far back near the screens, talking about life, fashion and some other problems; I'm busy taking pictures coz everyone, especially Liz, looks super fabulous, of course I needed to document it! LOL.

Then suddenly this tall girl in shimmering, glittering silver approaches me and Jess, stretches out her hand and goes, "Hi, I'm Liz."
And I'm... OHMYGOD. I know.... *in my head*
But I stretch out my hand too, because that's what society tells us to do, and I stutter idiotically and say..." Hi... I'm... Rika...."
Then she shakes Jess's hand as well and launches in a conversation of how sweet we were coz we attended the event, it was so super short notice and that it was really just all Preview people there and she thought it would be this major flop etc etc....

OHMYGOD.
Best 5 minutes of my life.
Amazing.
I never thought an actual Fashion editor would approach me especially during a time of peril for me. lol.

Smiling after all the tears.

The ARTWORK.

We weren't able to get our Style Card as our hunger took us over.
So to PEPPER LUNCH we went!

Jess has never tasted Pepper Lunch and who was I to deny her such delights?

Good food, good shopping, good day actually.

Oh, now check this out.
Below is a picture of my condo. Sorry for the mess.
But see anything amiss?

In the time of the Dark Ages, light comes in the form of a golden sequined dress.

After such a happy day, I felt like I was ready to start a whole new road again. You know?

Then, when I wake up, open my laptop, the biggest bomb blows up in my face.

Hence BAZAAR DAY #2 ensues resulting in this:

Gorgeous, isn't it?

Thing is, I don't know if it's enough to get through the burden of everything now.
Materialism cannot completely make you forget about reality.
How cruel the acts of people can be sometimes.
And for whatever unknown reasons, we're made to go on and continuing building what has been abandoned.

Can we pull through? I have honestly no clue. There's so much doubt and the road is so unclear, I hate it.
But we won't give up now without trying. If it works, great. Lovely. More shopping sprees and opportunities. If it doesnt, well at least we failed with dignity. We did our responsibilities, fulfilled our obligations, did what we thought was right and no one can take that away from us.

And although I may understand why people always leave, it doesn't mean there is no hurt, no feelings of anger and bitterness. The question of 'why' keeps bugging our brains and it's like talking to a wall, which we all know will never answer back.

In this life, I have learned to never return to the people who have left. They may have their reason and for whatever their reason may be, I shall not question them anymore.
Nor will I seek their seek their help or guidance anymore, nor will I wish to see their presence ever again.

One is made strong because of their scars, inflicted by people who they thought they could always trust. But how to relive ones' self of the thorns?
It's to never return to those people who have left us behind. Never live in the past and always walk toward the future, without them.

Oh I'm just really hurt I suppose. Coz that was one heck of a slap.
Or maybe I've just been stressed this entire term.
Or maybe I just want someone to blame.

But this is a fact:
Understanding doesn't necessarily equate to forgiveness.

But anyway what does my opinion matter?
It cannot affect anyone. It is my own.
I hope for the best. I will work hard to help achieve the best.
We'll prolly make it through.
Sad, I have to see myself severing ties once again with yet another person I used to trust and idolize.

Bahala na. We'll see what happens.

May we all live long enough to see the end of it all.


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