|happiness found at singapore orchid gardens, january 2011|
The morning of November the First springs me out of bed, in front of my laptop and strangely, back here.
It has almost been a year since my last post, and I've had almost a year's worth of travels, discoveries, drama and happenstances with still no idea where my soul might be, and the strange, sudden surge to write again -- profusely and truthfully.
I am not quite sure what the content of my first post after almost a year should be, but let me just scribble away nevertheless. I awoke today, on the first of November, hopeful and inspired; strange, because of the ordeal I put myself through in the past couple days; strange, because this is just so random. For months on end, I have struggled to break through my fears and my traumas. They're still here, no matter what I do. I figure they will always be. And I desperately seek for freedom from these chains I've been unconsciously bound to for so long. I'm tired of hiding in a shell and bound by a box, it depresses me and reeks the potential of who I could be. I'd like to take as much risks when I'm young, without fear and without any returns on my word. I'd like to travel, to learn more about myself and the world, to discover new places and meet new people, to find love and happiness, to live the glorious days of my youth to the fullest. Taking risks is just a baby step to achieving of all that I have just enlisted.
Fear will always grip us. It's how we overcome it and bypass it that makes any moment worth going for. And I intend to get over it.
I found someone who made me realize all of this, who makes me want to try; and try even harder to face my traumas head on to kick them in the ass. And while I have no idea how all this happened, if it really is all due to him or my own self, I find it strange and remarkable, how people find their way into our lives, without any warnings or signs, and leave their mark so well. I owe it to that someone for this unexpected inspiration, this sudden reawakening. And everything is so surreal. Perhaps that's the beauty of it all.
Over the months, I've changed to be someone I'm not quite sure who is. Am I more mature now, or have I just slumped back to simply another immature version of my past self? I haven't a clue. Yet. Well, for now, I shan't think about it too much. Come what may, la-di-da.
I doubt this will still serve to be a fashion blog of sorts, but my constant travels, random findings and learnings will continue to fill the pages of this online outlet. It's comfort to start writing again, especially here in this old blog of mine. I might as well post my year's worth of travels and activities till the new ones arrive. Here's to a wonderful return to cyberspace.
My hot chocolate's getting cold. My cough is getting worse. Strange. Oh, if this is the life of a second-hand smoker... please stop smoking, people! It's bad for me! Not you! Haha. Random outbursts.
Adios. Off to breakfast. Happy November the First to everyone.